Scissors By: Bill Chupp (Nov/Dec 2017)

American Farming Publication Scissors Bill Chupp

April 25, 2005 Bill Chupp
For some reason, women always go for the scissors when they want to cut anything from a bolt of cloth to string. A farmer always carries a Barlow and keeps one blade sharp for those chores that seem to appear out of nowhere.
On Thursday last week Edith and I finally got around to some serious gardening. I took the tractor and tiller to work the ground into nice soft mulch.
We still had the stock panel fence through the garden from last year. It needed to be moved so we would have a fresh row for the tomato plants. There were still pieces of plastic twine hanging on the panels we had used to tie up the tomatoes last year.
I started taking the wires that held the fence to the steel posts, while Edith went to fetch her forty dollar Cutco scissors. I tried to get her to use a pair of side cut pliers, but they were not sharp enough. Next I offered her my Barlow pocket knife, but that did not deter her from snipping the twine with her scissors.
I have to admit that she got along really well with her scissors and soon she had the loose twine piled in her plastic bucket. I finished removing the panels and drove the posts in a straight line several feet away.
We only had a few tomato plants. We also planted a row of beans. It was already getting dark when we finished and it looked like a rain was coming in.
The weather report on the TV kept giving the news that a severe storm with some rotation and possible hail was headed for Mazie. Since we are three miles north, we finally tired of watching the weather report and turned it off.
Friday Edith took Willie the cat to the veterinary. The diagnosis was not good. His eyes were glazed and it may be that he is on his ninth life! No, they performed a thorough blood test and he had a bladder infection and was slightly dehydrated.
They administered a large dose of antibiotic and let him return home. He was so weak from the stress that he needed help to jump up on the window sill.
Now three days later, he seems to be much better. We did purchase a special cat waterer that has a constant flow of filtered water to encourage more water intake. The vet called tonight to check on him. If he needs any more tests they might do a “cat scan”!
Saturday evening when I came home from work Edith told me that she couldn’t find her Cutco scissors. Thinking back, she did not remember using them since she cut the twine in the garden. There was a possibility that she threw them into the trash bag with the twine. Well, I had deposited the trash bag in the dumpster at work Friday morning and I saw my shop guys dumping their trash from the shop on top of it.
Sunday afternoon while I was dressed in my chore clothes, I agreed to take Edith up to the store to see if we could retrieve the trash bag. This pair of scissors was extra special to her, so I was willing to work hard to find them.
After moving a mountain of trash and boxes on the top of the dumpster, we saw the fragile black plastic trash bag near the bottom. I imagine people on the highway could see me headfirst in the dumpster and wondered why. I felt like the homeless people that dig through the trash bins for valuables tossed away by the affluent society.
The plastic bag ripped open, but I managed to get it outside on the ground. I held an empty cardboard box while Edith dug through the trash. She found the wad of plastic twine and sure enough, there was her prize scissors. We both were relieved and thankful for the recovery.
I was reminded of a story about a couple that had an argument about using a scissors or a knife. The woman maintained her stand that the scissors is a tool of choice while the man argued in favor of the knife.
Finally in desperation, the man picked up his wife and threw her down the well. She got in the last word as she disappeared. She held her hand up and made a scissor motion with her fingers.
No, I am not about to throw Edith down the well. She can use her scissors all she wants to. I will try and remember to remind her to take inventory before I tie the trash bag shut.